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It was surreal.

 

You remember your legs giving out under your weight and you collapsed to the ground. Paul's voice that last coherent thing you heard, before your body barely recognized the feeling of impacting the floor. The rest was a literal blur.

 

A voice growing fainter with every passing second continued to call out, saying words you couldn't understand as your body was slowly raising up from the ground. The voice continued speaking for what felt like an eternity before you began to hear other voices and sounds, just as incomprehensible and faded as the first. There was a brief beat of falling again, but then you were raising up only to abruptly fall back down. The ground under you shook as if there was an earthquake - or maybe that was your body shivering from the cold - and more noises and noises slowly reached your brain, like instruments joining in a nightmarish symphony.

 

A sting against your skin, more rattling from the ground, a strange humming-like noise... You had no idea what was going on around you; all you knew was that you were terrified by what might happen. You continued to lie there in silence, all of the sensations slowly dulling into what could be the equivalent to white-noise, before the world once again game alive with noise and touch. More noises than before swarmed your mind as you were eventually moved once again, barely recognizing a pinch in your arm.

 

Hours passed, and then your heard something. In your comatose state, it was noting more than incoherent babble, along with something wrapping around your body, soon accompanied by more sounds. You weren't certain, but there was a moment where you though something touched your face. Now you were left alone once again. The noises that once kept you company had vanished and you couldn't feel anything.

 

If you were capable of it, you would've cried and curled up into the smallest ball possible. What would your friends do when they saw you like this? What would your parents do? Were they even aware that you were probably dying? Someone must've told them by now. How could you ever face them again? How could you face yourself?

 

You didn't know what was happening to you or what was going to happen to you, you didn't know where you were, you didn't even know what time it was. But you knew for certain one thing.

 

You only had yourself to blame.

 

It wasn't anybody else's fault. Not Paul, not Erin, no one save for yourself. You drowned your sadness and pity jealousy in alcohol, letting your obsessions slowly eat you from the inside-out. Paul only wanted to help you, and you simply pushed him away - too proud and too stubborn to let him do anything more than ask questions.

 

If drowning in self-pity was possible, you would've died days ago.

 

But it's not like you had an unfair life. You had tons of friends, a loving family, a successful job, and you were able to visit different parts of the world and meet so many people because of that job. You may not have gotten the love you wanted, but you had the best friend anyone could ever ask for. The corners of your mouth slowly twitched up into a nostalgic smile.

 

It took a moment for you to realize that you could actually feel your mouth, but once you realized that you had control over your body again, you slowly opened your eyes.

 

You were tired.

 

Every muscle in your body was void of any feeling, left with the weight of a stone brick, and more than anything you wanted to close your eyes and let yourself relax, but you forced your eyes open more. The first thing you noticed was the splitting pain in your head as you stared up at the luminescent lights hanging above your head. The air smelled of rubbing alcohol and you could faintly hear the beeping of that what you assumed was a heart monitor. Despite the borderline-painful numbness in your body, you could feel a slight itch in your legs where the hospital sheets shifting over your body as you tried to look around. Your head felt too heavy to turn, but you could still see the beams of what looked like late-daylight coming into the windows to your left, and smiled. At least, you thought you smiled.

 

Your eyes wandered to your right, and widened when you instantly noticed Paul fast asleep beside you, his hands wrapped around your right one as he sat in a rather uncomfortable-looking chair and rested his head in the sheets. Feeling your heartbeat quicken, you tried to say something, but all that came out was a strangled jumble of static.

 

You mentally swore.

 

Your gaze wandered down to your hand and you tested your muscles, which let your fingers slowly squeeze around his in some attempt to wake him up.

 

"...P-Paul," you coughed out weakly, feeling his hand squeeze back.

 

He grumbled and stirred, slowly lifting himself into a less hunched-over position, though he still had a bit of a slouch.

 

"...Paul?" you tried again, slowly recovering your voice with each try.

 

The second attempt was enough for Paul to understand his current situation, you could tell from the way he instantly froze as he was in the middle of rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He slowly looked, allowing you to properly see each other, and you chuckled at his dumbfounded expression.

 

"Um... Hi," you finally said, your voice still a little shaky and faint.

 

You could feel his grip on your hand slowly squeeze just a little tighter, and he swallowed a knot in his throat. But before he could say or do anything else, you heard the sound of rapid footsteps and suddenly a nurse was beside you.

 

"Ah, you're finally awake," he smiled at you as Paul silently moved away from you, allowing the nurse to examine the nearby machines.

 

"Am I in a hospital?" you asked.

 

"Yes, you are," the man answered, eventually moving away from the machines and properly facing you, "You were suffering from alcohol poisoning and you're currently in the Intensive Care Unit,"

 

You groaned as you slowly came to understand each and every word that the left the nurse's mouth. Intensive Care Unit... How pathetic.

 

"We'll need to run a few tests," he continued, "But beyond that you'll be well enough to leave by tomorrow,"

 

"Alright," you sighed, running your free hand through your hair, "Um.. Can I have some water?"

 

"Of course. Do you want anything to eat?"

 

"No thanks, just the water,"

 

The nurse nodded his head and walked off, leaving you with Paul and an unbearable silence. You sat in the bed, hand nervously fiddling with the hem of the sheet, while Paul merely sat beside you. The two of you continued to sit in silence, even after the nurse returned with a styrofoam cup of water, until you finally sighed and turned your attention to the windows.

 

"(Name)," Paul began, causing you to break out of your silent trance, "Can you... please talk to me?"

 

You refused to shift your gaze from the windows, but you could vaguely notice his expression in the reflection - brows knitted together in concern and confusion.

 

"I just want to help you," he explained with a sigh. Paul sat there patiently hoping that you'd answer his request, but all he received was silence. It seemed that he wouldn't be learning anything from you.

 

You continued to brood silently beside Paul, occasionally looking back and forth between him and the slowly setting sun. Finally after what felt like hours worth of waiting, you let out a irritated sigh.

There are times you drive me, shall we say bananas

"I wish you didn't always try and help me," you finally said, breaking the almost trance-like silence surrounding the two of you. Paul looked up from his hands, startled by the sudden outburst, though he didn't say anything. Instead, he waited silently while you tried to come up with the next few words to say.

And your mind is missing, no offense, a screw

"I just don't get it," you continued, nervously playing with the hem of the sheets, "The nurse said I'll be fine, you've probably got a ton of other work to do, and, until recently, I've been treating your horribly, but you're still here asking if you can help me,"

 

You laugh softly as you brushed a hair out of your face.

Still whatever mess I land in
Who is always understandin?

"You're either the best friend I could ever ask for, the world's most gullible idiot,"

 

For a moment, you were terrified that you had gone and ruined any chances at a normal friendship ever again, but when you saw the slight smile on Paul you knew that the joke was well-received.

 

"I guess I'm just wondering,"

Nobody else but you

"Why are you so nice to me?"

 

Paul looked at you, examining the confusion and borderline-frustration in your face before he finally leaned back in his chair. He ran a hand through his hair while you waited for his answer.

Oh your moodiness is now and then bewilderin'

"Well," he began, "These past few days haven't exactly been easy on me. Especially after that whole Valentine's Day mess,"

 

He watched as you seemed to wince and slink under the covers - just slightly, but slight enough for him to notice. It seemed as that he hit a nerve with that last statement.

And your values may be, so to speak, askew

"I could tell that you were upset because of something," he gave you a bit of a smirk, "People tend to notice when something's wrong with their friends. But when you refused to tell me anything, I just got more and more frustrated with you,"

Who deserve's a trophy
As we face each catastrophe?

"I mean... I'm so used to having you be happy, even when you're being quiet, and seeing you like that bothered me. I know I shouldn't have tried to force you to explain everything, but I just wanted to know if there was something I could do,"

 

Paul noticed you slowly shift into a more upright position, seeming to cling to every word he said.

Nobody else but you

"I care about you," he laughed softly.

 

You looked up to him as he gave you a genuine smile - something you hadn't seen in the past few days. Something in you caused you to smile back and you couldn't help but laugh a little.

Nobody else but you

"I'm really sorry for being such a baby," you sighed, trying to cool the growing heat in your face.

 

"It's alright," he said, "I'm sorry for being so nosy,"

It's just our luck
We're stuck together

"Yeah, but I could've at least given you a little explanation," you shrugged.

 

"But it wasn't my place to try and get you to tell me," he smirked. You couldn't help but give him a bit of a glare, and he glared right back.

 

"Would you quit it?" you laughed, grabbing the pillow and playfully smacking him in the face with it, "I'm trying to be the bigger person here!"

 

"But I thought I'm the taller one," he answered. You couldn't help but give a dramatic groan and shove your face into the pillow.

 

"You're a dumb-ass," you mumbled.

Nobody else but you

Though the pillow covered your ears, you could still hear Paul laugh softly as he placed his hands on yours and lowered the pillow from your face.

 

"I guess I should let the others know that you're alright?" he suggested.

 

"Yeah," you answered, "It's probably a good idea,"

It's crazy enough to believe we'll come through

The next half-hour was spent alongside Paul as the two of you received calls from the entire Yogscast, listening to concerned questions and chastising insults. You can't recall how, but you and Paul somehow managed to convince the others to wait until tomorrow to come visit and pick you two up.

 

Soon enough, the sun had completely vanished from sight while the moon was high above your head - higher than the windows could allow you to see - and before you could stop yourself, a tired yawn crawled its way out of your throat. You quickly covered you mouth, feeling your skin burn against your hands, the sound of Paul laughing causing you to blush even harder.

 

"Shut up!" you snapped, taking the pillow and hitting him again.

 

"You're lucky your stuck in that hospital bed!" he laughed, "Otherwise I'd have taken this chair cushion and destroyed you,"

 

"Yeah, yeah," you shrugged, taking the pillow and wedging it between the mattress and your head, allowing your eyes to slowly close.

 

"Are those bed actually comfortable?"

 

"I guess," you shrugged, not bothering to open your eyes, "It's the company that makes it comfortable,"

 

"I see,"

 

"Now let me sleep,"

So your jokes are all, let's face it, prehistoric

The next day, you woke up just a little bit before noon, and the first thing you noticed was Paul sitting beside you, talking on his phone with an obvious look of terror. You only had a second to try and wonder to yourself before he soon noticed that you were awake.

 

"H-Hang on," he stuttered out, "She's, um... she's right here,"

 

He quickly pulled the phone away from his face and practically tossed it to you. You didn't even stop to ask questions before putting the phone to your ear.

 

"Hello?"

 

"What is going on over there?!" an all-too-familiar voice screamed from the other side of the speaker, "You're in the hospital!? What happened? Was there an accident?!"

 

It was your mother

And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo

"C-Calm down, Mom," you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration, "Everything is just fine, I just got a little sick, that's all,"

 

"Sick people don't get put in the ICU! That's it! You're father and I are coming right over!"

 

"Th-That's not necessary," you nervously stuttered out, "I mean... The doctors said that I can leave today,"

But when life becomes distressin'
Who will I be S.O.S'n?

You continued to sit as your mother continued to scream while you nervously tried to stutter out excuses and explanations, before Paul quickly grabbed the phone from your grip and holding it to his face.

If you're having trouble guessing, here's a clue

"Hello?" he asked, "It's me, Paul... Yes, I'm with her right now..."

 

You watched as he continued to converse with your mom, wincing occasionally as you could hear her scream through the phone. You sighed and felt your face grow hot in embarrassment.

 

"Yes," he nodded, "I completely understand... Alright... Okay... Okay, okay, talk to you later... Bye,"

Though he seems intoxicated
He's just highly animated

He pulled the phone away from his face and quickly turned it off.

 

"So," you asked, "What'd she say?"

 

"Well... the important thing is that she loves you," he said with a light chuckle.

 

"Oh God," you groaned, burying your face in your hands.

And he's nobody else
But
Nobody else but you

Despite the obvious... inevitable doom your parents were sure to bring down on your soul, the rest of the day passed by smoothly. Within minutes after hearing from your mother, and then praying for a merciful death, a doctor came in and let you and Paul know that you were well enough to leave. They removed the IV from your arm, and gave you a few papers, and said a ton of words that were bound to be long forgotten, before finally concluding that you were fit enough to leave.

 

"So Kim said that she and Turps would be picking us up," Paul explained.

 

"Alright then," you shrugged, looking down at the bandages wrapped around you arm where the needle once stuck.

We've turned into
A true-blue duo

"And... are you sure that you'll be fine on your own?"

 

You looked up to Paul and smiled at his concerned expression.

 

"I'm sure," you answered, moving the sheets off of your body and sliding your legs over the edge of the bed. You smiled up at him as you felt your feet brush against the cold tiles.

 

You slowly rested your feet on the floor, a strange feeling settling in your feet before climbing up your legs, before you finally pushed yourself off of the bed. The past few days of recovery had taken a toll on your strength, so putting a sudden weight on your legs made you more than a little unbalanced.

Hard times we've had a few

Of course, Paul was quick to run to your side - as he has been for the past few days - and took hold of your wrists before you could fall. Still, you stumbled right into him, nearly knocking the both of you to the ground.

 

"Careful," he laughed nervously as you mumbled a soft 'thank's, "Are you sure you're alright being on your own? What if you get sick?"

 

"I'll be just fine," you smiled, "I mean... you've already done so much for me - I don't want to burden you anymore,"

 

"Alright then," he sighed, letting go of you, "Shall we leave?"

 

"Let's,"

Like we're thrown in the drink

You walked out of the room with a smile, following the occasionally place signs to leave the ICU. Soon you were standing at the front desk, Kim smiling at you with a bright face as soon as you entered the waiting room. You handed the woman at the desk a few papers you had to fill out, nervously playing with your hands as you waited.

Like we're tossed out of town

"Alright then," the woman said, handing you back the papers, "You're all set. I hope you feel better soon,"

 

"Thanks," you smiled, knowing she said that same thing to each of the patients that were discharged, but it still made you feel a little better.

But when I start to sink
Hey, I'd rather go down

You all headed to the exit, answering Kim's occasional questions and listening to her excited rambling, when you felt something wrapped around your hands. You looked up in confusion and noticed that Paul had slipped his hand into yours. You couldn't help but smile as the three of you headed out of the exit of the hospital and to Mark, who was standing by his car.

 

"Shall we go?" He asked, opening the door to the driver's seat and sliding inside.

 

"Sure thing," you nodded.

With nobody else Y-O-U

"Oh," Kim said, just as the three of you were about to enter the car, "I just remember I've got to tell you something"

"Oh?" Paul asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

 

"Yeah," she smiled, "It's a secret, so you both need to come in closer,"

 

"Alright..." you sighed, leaning in alongside Paul.

 

SMACK!

 

"OW! KIM!?"

 

You and Paul reeled away from the shorter woman, cradling the stinging side of your faces.

 

"Yeah, your mom asked me to do that,"

 

You and Paul could simply watch as she made a mad dash for the passenger's seat, the pain in your cheek quickly numbing.

 

"Let's just go home," you scoffed, quickly sliding into the backseat with Paul following after you.

 

 

The trip home was quick and painless, though Kim and Paul kept arguing over which music should be played, but by the time they had finally decided on a station, you had reached your house.

 

"Alright then," you said, opening the door and stepping out of the car and onto the pavement, "So I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow?"

 

"Unless you want to take the day off," Mark suggested, "You've been through a lot lately,"

 

"I'll live,"

 

"Alright then," he shrugged, "See you tomorrow,"

 

You waved with a smile as Mark drove off, his car eventually disappearing from sight.

 

"Alright then," a voice said from behind you, "Let's get inside before it gets too cold,"

 

You immediately spun on your heal, nearly falling on your back when you saw Paul standing right behind you.

 

"What are you doing here?!" you asked.

 

"I'm here to make sure you don't do anything stupid," Paul answered, taking your sleeve and pulling you towards the front door, "C'mon, I still have the spare key,"

 

"Wait, wait!" you said, abruptly stopping him mid-rant, "I mean, why are you here? I already said that I can take care of myself,"

 

"Maybe," he shrugged taking a key from his pocket and unlocking the door.

 

"Well then why are you here? You don't have to take care of me,"

 

"I know," he said, opening the door and giving you a smile.

 

"But I want to. I care about you,"

 

You were thankful the snow was cooling your face.

 

"Now, c'mon, let's get inside,"

 

You could barely gather enough sense to nod your head before stepping inside after Paul.

Sjin x Reader - Nobody Else But You
I DID IT! FINALLY! Oh God, you guys have NO idea how frustrating is was to write this chapter. First I didn't know which song to use, I had it narrowed down to a dramatic musical number, then I had a romantic slow-song, then I finally found THIS song, and I just kept juggling between the three, before I finally decided on this one, then I had to keep re-writing bits and arranging the lyrics...

I need a lie down...
Loading...
Currently stuck in a rut. Does anybody have any idea for the next Sjin x Reader chapter? I've got a few ideas, but none of them seem to stand out. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Paul didn't know how much time he'd spent on his knees, desperately trying revive you, until the ambulance had finally arrived.


It was terrifying, to say the least. Everything had been moving so slowly - as if someone had given him all the time in the world to helplessly watch you slip away - but the moment he heard sound of sirens, the world slowly began to return to its usual pace. In the far distance, he could hear the sound of people talking and footsteps.


"H-Hey," he said, gripping your shoulders even tighter, "They're here - the medics. Please... You need to wake up,"


By that point, everything had gone back to a natural speed, but something was clearly wrong. Instead of staying a normal rate, time continued to move faster, frantically growing more and more until it was impossible for Paul to keep track of anything. All he could do was hold onto your body and pray that you'd wake up. Suddenly he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder and he risked tearing his gaze away from you and to a paramedic towering above him.


"Sir," the medic said, kneeling down beside him, "We'll take it from here,"


The man was somehow able to loosen Paul's grip on your shoulders long enough to tear you away from his grasp and move him out of the way of another medic who was pushing a stretcher in front of her. He could only watch as the two hurried to your aid, telling each other a string of incomprehensible words, which were only interrupted when the one at your head and one at your feet moved to either side of you and hooked their hands under your knees and neck. Paul kept his eyes glued to your body as they slowly lifted you off the ground placed you on the stretcher. They strapped you onto the bed and began to roll you away, still yelling instructions and words he couldn't understand. Realizing that you were growing farther away, Paul quickly rose to his feet and ran after the paramedics.


When he stepped out into the frozen outdoors, the first thing he saw was a small crowd of familiar faces gathered on the lawn, huddled together for warmth and reassurance. Slowly, their gazes left the unconscious body being wheeled away, and instead fixated on Paul. He slowed his pace long enough to watch the expressions of his closest friends - sadness, shock, confusion, frustration, even the slightest traces of fear. The stretcher rolled across the concrete with a slight rattle - the only sound powerful enough to overwhelm the clamour and sirens -  as the medics made their way towards the ambulance haphazardly parked on the side of the road.


He was vaguely aware of the people trying gain his attention, but Paul simply ignored them and hurried after the stretcher. A weight settled in his stomach when he saw them open the doors to the ambulance and load you into the back of the vehicle. One of the medics stepped into the back of the ambulance while the other made their way to the driver's door, leaving Paul standing at the doors hesitantly. The one beside you looked him up and down with an apathetic expression only broken with the slightest traces of concern - it was the medic who rolled in the stretcher.


"Do you want to ride with us?" he asked, "I can't allow you to ride in the back, but you can take the passenger seat,"


Paul silently nodded his head and within seconds he was in an ambulance speeding down the streets. The driver didn't ask any questions - he was too focused on getting them to the hospital - which left Paul sitting in insufferable silence. The entire world passed by with a single glance, and yet it seemed like an eternity until they finally reached the hospital. And when they did reach the hospital, the world was once again moving too fast for Paul - he could barely gather enough sense to follow behind the medics as they rolled you into the hospital.


It was a sadistic rollercoaster of helplessness and fear. 


Time only seemed to return to normal once they wheeled you into the Intensive Care Unity - at which point Paul was forced to stay in the hallway outside of your room. A single window in the door allowed him to look into the room, but the number of people swarming around you made it impossible to see what was happening. He was still stuck in the hallway by the time everyone else had finally reached hospital.


"Paul!" Kim yelled as everyone crowded around him, "What happened?!"


How could he do it? How could he describe seeing you - broken, and bloody - when he could barely think of it without breaking down.


"Paul," Hannah said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Take a deep breath and try to calm down,"


"Okay..." he sighed, following her instructions, "She... She was in the bedroom. A-At first I just thought, maybe she was sleeping. But she wasn't breathing - her skin was pale and there was blood. She was so cold..."


There was so much more to say - so much more to tell them - but Paul couldn't bear himself to say anything else. All he could do was resort to was burying his face in his hands. He could hear people trying to comfort and console him, along with each other, but it did little to ease his mind.


They sat together in patient silence as the seconds ticked by, but seconds grew into minutes, and minutes grew into hours. Reluctantly, people began to leave, wishing you and Paul the best luck and promising that they immediately visit once you woke up, and soon Paul was left with a few others - who were all fast asleep by this point. Two and a half hours later, a woman dressed in a dark blue uniform stepped out of the room and Paul instantly rose from his seat.


"H-How is she?"


"We can't say for sure," the woman sighed, "May I ask, how do you know the patient?"


"Oh, um... I'm a friend. I was visiting to give her cough medicine,"


"I see..." she muttered before looking at the others, who had yet to stir from their sleep, "What is your name?"


"Paul. Paul Sykes,"


"Mr. Sykes, were you aware of any... bad habits that the patient may have had?"


"N-No," he answered, slowly dreading the conversation with every passing second.


"Mr. Sykes, we did some tests and we think that she was suffering from binge drinking. She had a blood-alcohol-concentration of 389 milligrams of alcohol per deciliter and her liver showed mild signs of Alcoholic Hepatitis - it's when the liver becomes inflamed,"


The doctor continued to go on and on but Paul had slowly began to fade out her voice, only picking up the occasional words: reversible damage...filter out toxins...mental illness...family history...


"Am I allowed to see her?" Paul asked once the doctor stopped talking.


"I think you'll be okay to see her," she began, "But we had to put her on some medication. Coupled with the alcohol still leaving her system, she probably won't wake up until tomorrow,"


The last part of her sentence sent a jab through his heart, but Paul simply nodded his head in understanding.


"That's alright," he muttered.


"Okay then," She opened the door and let the doctors and nurses slowly shuffle out of the room, leaving Paul and you.


"A nurse will be right outside in case anything happens," the woman continued, motioning to a man sitting where Paul once was.


"Alright," he nodded his head before the doctor walked away, closing the door behind her.

Live in my house

Slowly but steadily, Paul made his way to you, the room growing larger, darker, and emptier with every step. With the doctors and nurses now out of the room, he could properly see you, lying in the hospital bed. Perfectly still and helpless, like an injured animal. It was absolutely terrifying.

I'll be your shelter

He slowly and carefully lowered himself onto the chair beside your bed and looked to you. Your face was so calm but so unnerving at the same time, and he didn't know why. It just looked like you were sleeping. Maybe that was the reason. The doctor said you wouldn't wake up until the next day, but it looked like you could open your eyes any second now.

Just pay me back

Strange as it seemed, it was as if you could just sit up and start laughing. Despite how cruel and out-of-character it seemed, he silently hoped that was the case. He wanted to see you smile, he wanted you to wake up and tell him that it was all some convoluted prank. Anything was better than... this.

With one-thousand kisses

Paul's attention soon directed itself to the IV drip hanging by your head. His eyes traveled down the path of the plastic tube, following every curve, until it reached your arm, where a needle firmly imbedded itself under a roll of bandages. He shuddered. You weren't supposed to have needles in your arm. You weren't supposed to be in a hospital in the first place.

Be my lover

With no other options, he slowly wrapped his hands around your other hand, your skin still horribly cold. Perhaps, he could just help you a little by keeping your hands warm. As he felt your hands slip into his - as if they were molded together - a familiar group of people slowly looked through the window.

And I'll cover you

Slowly, more and more people gathered around the door, until finally there was the sound of a door softly clicking open and the unheard footsteps of a small group.

Open your door
I'll be your tenant

"Oh God," he sighed, his voice shaky and soft, "I... I should've noticed that something was wrong. Friends are also supposed to know when they need each other, but I didn't even see what was wrong,"

Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet

"I... I don't even know if you can hear me or not," he smiled weakly, now well aware of the crowd of friends and family behind him, "But I really hope you can. Otherwise I'm just being a complete idiot,"

But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there and I'll cover you

"Well," he laughed, "We're the Yogscast, we get paid for being idiots - it's what people love? We do stupid things all the time. Being killed by Creepers, setting off Red Matter explosives..."


He smiled sadly and rubbed thumb over your knuckles


"...Get your friends hospitalized,"

I think they meant it
When they say you can't buy love

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Paul said, choking on words and barely concealed sobs. He finally let himself silently break down and let tears roll down his face. "I pushed you too far. I shouldn't have tried to force you... I should've been more understanding, but instead I just made things worse... and even then I didn't do anything to help you..."


Tears fell onto his trousers and it was getting hard to breath steady.

Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love

He slowly reached up to brush a few strands of hair out of your face and let his hand rest on your cheek for a moment. Your breath came out soft and short, but it brushed against his skin as if trying to reassure him that everything was going to be just fine. He prayed that it would.

On life
All my life

"I know I should've seen it coming" Paul said, finally able to steady himself long enough to talk with coming completely undone, "But I wish you'd told me. I know it's not something most people want to hear, but I could've helped you. It's alright, though. I... I don't blame you,"

I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is

"Paul," Mark finally said, breaking the sobs and silence around him, "You can't just keep blaming yourself. You couldn't have known this was going to happen; none of us could. It wasn't your fault. And besides, grieving over something you couldn't help isn't going to do any good. We just have to wait and help the best we can,"

(So with a thousand sweet kisses)
                (Five-hundred-twenty-five thousand-six-hundred minutes)
                                                        If you're cold and you're lonely


"It's going to be alright," Duncan smiled, "And besides. It's not like either of you are alone in this. We'll all be there to support her too,"


"Yeah," Kim laughed, "Don't act like such a martyr. It's not like you're some tragic hero,"

(I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses)
                                (Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred moments so dear)
                                                                            You've got one nickel only

He quickly wiped away the last of his tears and looked to his friends, all giving him comforting smiles. A small, hopeful smile made its way onto his face as he looked at everyone.


"Thanks," he said softly, "I... I know it's not my fault. I just... feel responsible for her,"

(I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses)
                                (Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes)
                                                                        When you're worn out and tired

Mark couldn't help but smirk at these words.


"She's going to be alright," he repeated again.


"I know," Paul answered back. He continued to smile at all of the people looking at him and you, but the moment he turned and saw you lying there, he could feel that confidence start to falter.


"Please..." he sighed, feeling his hands find their way to your's once again.

I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses
                               (Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand)

"Please.." he continued, tears once again building up in his eyes. You were his closest friend - the thought of seeing you so broken made something in him want to scream.

When your heart has expired

"Please... Please wake up soon!" he sobbed, burying his face into the bed.


Oh, lover
(Oh, lover I'll cover you)

People gave him encouraging words as they patted his shoulder and back, though Paul refused to lift his head up. More than anything he wanted to simply collapse right then and there. Perhaps he could grab a few chairs from outside and make a bed for himself.

Oh lover
(Oh lover)

In the distance, he could hear the voice of, he could only assume, the nurse as he began to usher everybody out of the hospital - though it seemed the nurse had no issue with Paul staying by her side. It was probably for the best, though. He wasn't sure he could get much sleep - he might as well stay here with you.


I'll cover you
                  (Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes)


Aside from the sound of a pair of footsteps, the room grew quiet once again, leaving Paul to assume that he was alone except for the nurse. The thought of being alone with you was both a comfort and a looming threat, but he raised his head to check, despite his better judgement, and was surprised to see Mark standing beside him, looking down at you.


(Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand season of...)


"She asked me if I hated her," Paul muttered, "I don't hate her. I could never hate her. Not even if I wanted to,"


"I know," Mark smiled.


(Love)
I'll cover you


"It's hard to hate the people you love," he continued, before giving Paul a reassuring pat on the shoulder.


As Mark walked away and out of the room, Paul thought nothing of the comment.


Yes...


He really did love you.

Sjin x Reader - I'll Cover You
As you can assume, Sjin x Reader series is back on! By the way, I deleted that Reader x Duncan angst because I didn't think it as any good. Despite how long this chapter is, it's actually on the shorter side. That's probably because most of it is dialogue. It's not exactly a bad thing, the chapter certainly felt long with all of the writing and re-writing. I know it's a dramatic chapter, but that's the point. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I'll try and post the next chapter as soon as possible.
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BEEP-BEEP!

 

No...

 

You groaned and felt your stomach begin to unravel once again - not that you had anything left inside you, so at least you didn't have to worry about needing the toilet again. The electronic beeping of your phone continued to echo off the walls of your house, reaching your ears and rattling in your skull, until you were afraid you'd go deaf from the incessant noise. After the umpteenth beep, you found enough will power to crawl out of the bathroom and slowly return to your bedroom - where you instantly noticed a small glowing box on the bedside table. You climbed back onto your bed and snatched the phone from the table, and with the push of a button, the screen came to life, spewing an ocean of text directly at your face.

 

Turps: Is everything alright?

Lewis: Do you think you'll be able to come in today?

Duncan: Are you up for recording?

Kim: I hope you feel better soon.

 

The list went on and on for a few more lines, until it seemed that everyone at Yogtowers had sent you some concerning message.

 

Well, almost everyone.

 

To be honest, you felt a little grateful that Paul hadn't tried to contact you. More than anything, you needed to be as far away from him, and you weren't sure whether it was for the sake of you, or him, or both. You knew that you weren't capable of something as extreme as poisoning him with cyanide, but you were certain that you'd both boil over once again and yell out obscenities and insults you'd come to regret five minutes later.

But then again, Paul was always the one who constantly checked up on you - whether it was a single-sentence text message, or knocking on your door until you finally decided to open up and have a quick conversation. You had come to expect the little 'Are you alright?'s and the knocking on your door, only to have them abruptly ripped out of your grasp. After yesterday, you were unsurprised to see that he had decided to shut down on you, but that still didn't do anything to ease the sting.

 

BEEP!

 

With the sudden sound of a singular beep accompanied with the familiar feeling of a phone shaking in your hand, you anxiously looked back down at your phone and saw another one-sentence text.

 

Hannah: Are you there?

 

The corners of your mouth twitched up into a smile - a small, weak, smile.

 

(Name): I've been feeling really sick lately.

Hannah: Sorry to hear that. Do you need someone to get you anything?

 

Reading the words alone, you would've guessed that Paul was the one talking to you - he was usually so concerned about your well-being.

 

(Name): I'll let you know if I need anything, but for now I'm good.

Hannah: Alright then. Talk to you later.

 

You nodded your head in agreement before turning off your phone and placing it back onto the table.

With nothing left to occupy your mind, you were quick to notice the sudden drop in temperature within the room. You shuddered as you grabbed the blankets and quickly draped them around you, trying to stay as warm as possible.

"Dammit," you groaned, "I really need to get that thermostat checked..."

Too exhausted to do anything, and too drained to wantto do anything, you fell back onto your bed and curled up into the smallest ball you could manage. Were you simply going to spend the rest of your life cooped up in your house - only talking to the rest of the Yogscast through a digital screen and text messages? You shrugged - it seemed to work for some people. A thousand little questions, comments, and useless thoughts continued to fly around your head,  occasionally smacking you in the face with arbitrary meaning - leaving you tired, cold, and confused. You sighed and grabbed a nearby pillow, holding it like a how child would hold a stuffed animal.

"Dammit..." you sighed.

 

"Hey, Sjin!"

Hearing the familiar sound of Lewis' voice, Paul tore his gaze away from his computer and gave his chair a quick spin.

"What's up?" he asked with a smile as he looked to his friend, who was leaning against the door frame.

"I just wanted to check with you for the whole Valentine's Day series,"

"Oh right!" Paul said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible, "So what's the plan again?"

"Well, we've pretty much got it narrowed down to either some sort of couples versus couples tournament, or we do a Valentine's Day DnD. Do you have any preference?"

"I guess I can really only go with the DnD," he shrugged, "Which reminds me, I need to figure something to do for Erin,"

"Alright then," Lewis said with a shrug, "I'll leave you to it,"

Paul gave him a grateful smile, turned in his chair, and was just about to continue his game, when he was interrupted by the sound of Lewis mumble something.

"Hey, Sjin," he finally said, the reluctance in his voice practically palpable.

"Yeah?"

"Um.. Hannah managed to get a hold of (Name),"

Paul's mouse was hovering right above the 'Resume' button when he paused and looked back to Lewis.

"Oh?" was all he could manage to voice.

"Apparently she's feeling sick,"

Before he could even consider his actions, he let out an audible scoff.

"She shouldn't have left without her jacket,"

"Maybe..." Lewis began, "But, um... I just thought that maybe you should know,"

"Well thanks," he said curtly, waiting anxiously for Lewis to finally leave.

With an incoherent mumble and the sound of footsteps, Paul was certain he was once again alone and sighed.

Still, he couldn't click on the button.

He stared down at his phone, resting beside the keyboard, and considered Lewis' suggestion. As strange as it was, Paul actually began to consider the possibility of sending you a message. His eyes constantly jumped back and forth between the phone and the computer screens, before he finally gave a defeated sigh and turned off the monitors.

Lightning strikes
Inside my chest to keep me up at night

What would he say to you? Should he apologize? Would you even bother to read his message, or would it all just be a waste of time?

Well if you were sick, you probably didn't want to be bothered anyway. Of course, you may just be making it up in an attempt to stave off any human contact - God knows you were more than capable of ignoring people trying to talk to you.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Perhaps he was being to harsh on you. After all, it seemed to be snowing fairly heavily when you left; you were bound to get a little sick from being out in the cold for so long. A slight ache of guilt settled in Paul's stomach as he considered the possibility that you may have gotten sick because of him.

But it's not like he was forcing you to leave. If he recalled clearly, you were the one who had to make a huge deal of things and leave, meanwhile he was trying to get your attention and get you to stay inside.

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

Clouds of sulphur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare

As Paul took a moment to take in his thoughts, he noticed how empty and dark his office seemed to suddenly be. It was strange. He hadn't changed a single thing in the room since the day he unpacked his belongings, and yet the mood seemed to take on an eerie loneliness. What changed? He turned around and looked to the shelves beside him, as if hoping to find an answer hidden among the various belongings, but that only seemed to make things worse. The figurines and artwork that lay on the shelves usually reminded him of fond memories and good times, but now they seemed soulless and cold.

He mumbled something incoherent to himself and turned back to the computers.

Once you want it to begin
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

This was usually the time of day when he would start another recording of Magic Police with Duncan and you, but it seemed that Minecraft wasn't going to happen today - at least not with you. He could play some Feed The World 2, he hadn't recorded anything lately and the viewers seemed to like the videos, but the idea of recording didn't seem very appealing anymore. Usually he enjoyed the mindless banter and joking comments, needing just his microphone and headset to talk to you or anybody else for that matter, but without you or anyone else to talk to, the entire matter seemed too depressing.

Without anymore ideas, he looked down to his phone resting beside his keyboard and picked it up.

If you want more love why don't you say so?

The screen came to life and he quickly scrolled through his contacts until he settled on your name.

If you want more love why don't you say so?

Of course, when he tried to call you, he got your answering machine, but perhaps that was better than trying to talk to you directly.

"Um... Hey, (Name)," he began, struggling to quickly find the right words to say, "I, um, I just wanted to see if I could reach you - I heard that you aren't doing too well, and... um, I didn't mean to... well, I shouldn't have... um..."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Usually talking to you was simple and straightforward - even your voicemail was easy to talk to, but now he was stumbling on every other word that came out of his mouth. After a moment to think things through, he took in a deep breath.

"I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I guess I was being a little unfair - forcing you to try and tell me everything. I just wanted to know why you were so upset, and I guess I pushed you too hard. Um... I hope your feeling better, and I'll try to call back later.

With that, he ended the call and turned off his computers.

 

With how everything was, you probably wouldn't evenget the voicemail.

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the night again

You groaned and coughed as you felt your stomach lurch forward again. The porcelain felt cold on your chilled skin and you struggled to keep your hair out of your face. Mentally cursing and swearing yourself, you tried to ease the nausea rising up in your stomach. Tears were forming in your eyes and you weren't sure whether it was from the inability to breathe properly or from wallowing in misery.

Watch my face
As I pretend to fell not pain
    Pain...
        Pain...

Eventually, you had reached a point where you no longer had any food left in your stomach to empty - though your throat felt like it was going to begin to fall apart any second now. You groaned and wiped away the tears from your eye with your sleeve as you slowly rose to your feet. You glanced at your reflection in the mirror and grimaced: disheveled hair, dripping noise, bloodshot eyes and dark bags to finish it all off. You quickly washed your hands and splashed some warm water on your face - hoping to snap you out of your sordid state.

You patted down your hair and tried to rub the rest of the sleep out of your eyes, and another look in the mirror showed a slightly better-looking reflection. You chuckled to yourself weakly and staggered out of the bathroom.

Clouds of sulphur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare

You slowly made your way into the kitchen and got yourself a glass of water, hands shakily bringing the glass to your mouth. You were quick to finish the drink and slam the cup down on the counter. The water tasted metallic and rancid, but that was probably just your breath, but at least it was enough to satiate the horrible itching in your throat.

"Why the hell didn't I get my jacket before I left?" you groaned to yourself as you slowly made your way back to the bedroom, another glass of water in your hands, "Why the hell did I leave in the first place?"

You unceremoniously flung the door open, wincing as the sound of the door colliding with the wall reached your ears.

"I could've just stayed in my office for the rest of the day..."

Once you want it to begin
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

You fell onto the bed with slight sigh, your stiff muscles relaxing into the mattress as the material slowly molded to your body. You placed the glass onto the bedside table and curled in onto the bed once again.

Why were you so stubborn? Why were you so childish - even for a person on Youtube? If you'd just explained things, even a little more, you and Paul could've just worked through this entire mess together and you wouldn't be trapped in your house, alone and sick. You began to mumble a curse to yourself when you began to feel a sudden itch slowly climb up your throat.

If you want more love why don't you say so?

You quickly jolted into an upright position as you coughed into your sleeve and grabbed the water beside the table. With one quick movement, you drank the entire glass and sighed, gripping into the glass to tight, the skin around your knuckles began to pale.

"Dammit," you sighed, resting your head on your knees.

If you want more love why don't you say so?

You could feel more tears beginning to form, making breathing properly even more difficult than before. Why was all of this happening anyway? Was it because you didn't tell Paul how you felt? Was it because of all of the beer? Was it something beyond your control? The questions continued to crash into you, drowning out any other thoughts, with no answer in sight.

Just say so...

BZZT!

 

Slowly lifting your head up, you reached for your phone beside the table and looked at the screen. Everything had gone blurry from the tears in your eyes, but you could clearly see the words "1 Missed Call" on the screen.

How come the only way to know how high you get me
Is to see how far I fall?

BEEP!

 

What you heard came as a surprise. Paul's voice - something you hadn't heard all day.

You listened intently, trying to piece together his sentences. At first, it was a nervous mess of stumbling and verbal pauses, and then a moment of brief silence, and then Paul sighing.

"I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings..."

You froze.

God only know how much I'd love you if you let me
But I can't break through it all

You clung to every word that spilled from the phone's speaker - each one lifting your spirits and tearing through your heart at the same time. You felt throat go dry and your stomach lurch forward, but it wasn't from feeling sick.

"...I'll try and call back later."

"Idiot," you laughed wiping away the tears from your eyes, not entire sure if you were laughing at yourself or at Paul.

You smiled softly and waited for the message to end before you quickly opened up your contacts and tapped on Paul's name, your hands once again shaking.

It's a heart...
 

BEEP!

 

Paul arched his brow in confusion as he heard the sound of phone go off.

Heartbreak...

(Name): Hey. Is now a bad time to talk?

 

He felt his mouth curve into a smile as he read the line over and over again.

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now

Sjin: Not at all. How're you feeling?

 

You chuckled to yourself softly before your laughter was interrupted by coughing once again.

 

(Name): Better, but still sick.

Sjin: I'm sorry to hear that, do you need anything?

(Name): Maybe some cough medicine. I ran out. You don't have to if you don't want to.

Sjin: No trouble at all. I'll stop by soon. I'll get the spare key from Kim.

(Name): Okay then. Thanks a lot.

I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down

Paul smiled as he read your last text before rising from his chair and leaving his office. He was quick to retrieve your jacket, bag, and spare key before heading down the stairs to the front door.

"Sjin?"

He turned around at the sound of his 'name', and smiled when he saw Mark standing at the door to the third floor.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get some medicine for (Name)," he quickly explained. By the time he registered the sound of Mark chuckling to himself, he was already at the bottom of the stairs and halfway out the door.

Red wine and Ambien
You're talking shit again
It's heartbreak warfare

He was quick to stop at the nearest chemist and buy some cough medicine before continuing his drive to your house. He quickly stepped out of the car, your belongings and the medicine in his hands, and was bounding to your door. He quickly jammed the key into the lock and opened up the door, letting cold wind blow into the house.

"(Name)!" he called out, kicking off the snow from his shoes, "It's me, Paul!"

He waited for a response, but all he could hear was the sound of cars from outside. He shrugged before stepping inside and closing the door. Once he reached the kitchen and living room, he noticed a strange smell wafting through the air.

He furrowed in brow in a mix of concern and curiosity as he placed your jacket and bag on the kitchen counters, before slowly making his way out of the kitchen and to your bedroom. He had just turned around the hallway corner when he saw your bedroom - door wide open - and saw you curled up on the bed.

"(Name)?" he asked softly, not sure whether or not to wake you up, but as he drew closer and closer towards you, he noticed that something was wrong.

Your eyes were half-lidded, your breathing was deathly slow, and your skin took on an almost blue-tint, which was only accented by a few splotches of red trailing down the corner of your mouth.

The medicine fell to the ground with a clatter as he ran to your side.

Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name
It's heartbreak
Heartbreak

You don't remember when you passed out, but you slowly awoke to the sound of someone yelling your name and the feeling of being shook back and forth.

The world around you slowly came into view and you smiled weakly when you saw Paul in front of you.

"H-Hey," you grumbled, your tongue felt heavy and your mouth tasted metallic, but you still kept on a smile. Hearing the sound of your voice, Paul widened his eyes.

"Shit," he half hissed, half sighed as he studied your face. "I've got to get help..."

"What?" you tried to sit upright, but your body felt too heavy to move. All you could do was watch nervously as Paul grabbed his phone and typed in number.

"We're going to the hospital," he said sternly, grabbing your shoulders and slowly helping you slid off of the bed and to your feet.

It's heartbreak warfare

Your legs nearly give out as soon as your feet touched the floor, Paul was quick to grab both your shoulders and help you regain your balance. He quickly grabbed one of your arms and slung it over his shoulders, and the two of you began to clamber out of the bedroom.

"Paul..." you groaned, causing him to stop walking and look to you.

"What?" he asked nervously.

It's heartbreak warfare

It wasn't until then point did you understand the seriousness of Paul's expression and severity of this issue. You were certain to black out again at some point soon, and you didn't know if or when you'd ever get to talk to Paul again. Desperate to at least say something, you forced yourself to speak. It felt like something was ripping apart the entire of your throat, and you lungs ached, but you continued to talk.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, "About all of the stupid things I've said. Do you... Do you hate me?"

His face constantly blurred in and out of focus, but you were able to watch as he gave you a sad smile.

"I don't hate you," he said, "Just try to stay awake, okay? We'll get you help soon,"

It's heartbreak warfare

"Alright" you nodded your head slightly, but before you could say anything, you felt your throat begin to itch again. You coughed into your sleeve, eyes brimming with pain-filled tears, only to pull your arm away from your mouth and take instant note of the dark red staining the sleeve.

 

The last thing you remember was falling forward and Paul calling out your name.

Sjin x Reader - Heartbreak Warfare
There's not much I can say about this chapter. I hope you guys like it.
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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: violence/gore)

A/N: Okay, a few things before we begin. 1) This is a song originally sung in Japanese, so I apologize if the translations are incorrect. 2) This is a very long chapter, and I apologize for how weird things are going to get.


When you woke up the next morning, the first thing you notice was a horrible pounding against your skull - as though someone inside your head was trying to break free. Your eyes were tightly squeezed shut as you took in deep breaths, hoping to somehow erase the throbbing pain. Unfortunately, every breath you took seemed to welcome in the familiar stench of alcohol and bad breath. An aggravated grumble crawled out of your throat as you turned, resting the side of your head on the pillows of your mattress. But a second later, you realized that you weren't lying in your bed, but rather on your sofa. The feeling of leather rubbing against your face was enough to confirm that suspicion, so you groggily opened your eyes and were instantly greeted by a small cluster of beer bottles haphazardly decorated about the floor and the coffee table.

"Oh..." was all you could manage to successfully grumble out, and even that felt like an impossible task within itself. Your throat felt try and coated in a tacky coat of cheap beer, and your tongue was raw and heavy.

You continued to stare at the bottles for a few more minutes before sleep began to overcome your body and your eyelids slowly lowered. You had just closed them and began to fall asleep, when suddenly the silence was interrupted by the sound of your mobile ringing. The sound of electronic beeps sent a bolt of pain shooting through your head, all the way down to your spine. The distressed ringing remained unanswered, expected to cease after a moment of waiting, and sure enough the beeping came to an end, followed by one final ding.

A few unidentifiable curses escaped your mouth as you groaned and stretched out your arm, fingers scuttling across the surface of the coffee table until you finally came across your phone. You winced and hissed in pain when you brought the phone to your face and were instantly greeted with a plume of bright colours being vomited into your eyes. It took a moment to adjust to the light of the screen, but eventually you were able to see a single line of text.

Turps: Is everything alright?

You smirked, feeling a strange mix of emotions when you saw that the message was from someone other than Paul, and began to type in a message.

(Name): A bit of a headache ad I had to walk home without a jacket, but either than that, I'm good.

The words had a cynical bite to them, but they were all you could think of.

Turps: Yeah, I saw you left your things in your office. Do you want someone to bring them? That is, assuming you won't be coming in to work today.

(Name): Yeah, it's probably best if I stay home today.

Turps: Well, everyone's a little concerned about you.

You scoffed

(Name): Everyone? I believe you're forgetting someone.

Turps: Don't be too hard on Paul. He was practically screaming your name and running after you yesterday. He ran out into the streets when you left, and didn't come back until it was almost time to leave.

Of course he did. Idiot.

Turps: He said some things that were uncalled for, but so did you. Maybe you just need a day or two to think on things, and then you can come back to work.

More than anything, you wanted to chuck your phone out the window and watch it get run over by a car, but you knew that Mark was right.

(Name): Alright. I'll try and rest for today and calm myself down. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

With your final text sent, you turned off your phone and rested it back on the table; you didn't even wait for a response. No longer occupied with your phone, you slowly pushed yourself off of the sofa and looked around your living room. Perhaps it was the lack of lighting, or maybe it was sound of cars and people outside, but your house seemed to be in a horrible state; it was probably the beer bottles and the empty box strewn about the floor. You grimaced at the horrible state of your living room - which had slowly bled into the kitchen as well - before slowly standing up from your sofa, wincing as your head continued to throb.

You sluggishly stumbled about your house, vaguely aware that you at least wanted to try and clean the place, and tried to regain your long-lost senses. You grumbled a few swears as you slowly combed through the room, picking up bottle after bottle, until you were certain - in your hangover-stupor - that you'd picked up every single beer bottle scattered about the room. You quickly made your way to the kitchen and unceremoniously dropped the bottles into the bin, nearly gaging as the smell of old alcohol wafted its way from the garbage and up into your face.

Going to work was out of the question - that much you were certain of - so your mind began to wonder to other things and possibilities for the day. Playing games would probably just remind you of work and Paul. You weren't exactly in the mood for something lighthearted either. More than anything, you needed time to think to yourself. Which meant that you'd have to either leave your house or stay cooped up in your bedroom and bathroom.

It took a moment for you to weigh the options, unsure which seemed to be more uplifting. Staying indoors all day wouldn't do much for your spirit, but going outside without a your favorite jacket - ergo the only one that properly fit you - probably wasn't ideal either. Eventually, you made up your mind, grabbed your keys and light-weight jacket from your closet, and walked out the front door.

The jacket you were wearing was light and breathable - more suited for cool temperature and a slight breeze - so you were unsurprised to find yourself overwhelmed when you stepped outside and were greeted with a shower of ice-cold rain. People were hurriedly walking down the streets, covering themselves with umbrellas, hoods, newspapers, and whatever else they could use at hand, while cars zoomed this way and that, leaving streaks of kicked up water. You could already feel your face beginning to grow a little numb as the occasional drop of water struck your skin, and your jacket did little to shield you from the chilly winds.

Still, you wrapped your jacket around you tighter, balled your hands into tight fists, and stepped out into the rain.

(Stop it, stop it, quickly, stop it)
(Stop it, stop it, my heart, stop it)


You continued to wander down the streets, letting the rain beat against your back as if urging your forward, occasionally looking up to the busy buildings around you.

(Stop it, stop it, quickly, stop it)
(Stop it, stop it, my heart, stop it)

 

You simply continued to walk through the storm.

 


The clouds are grey and the sky loos like it might rain

As surprised as you were, the rain seemed to be a fitting companion for you - miserable weather for a miserable person. You took in a deep breath, almost able to smell the cold in the air. The rain wasn't particularly heavy, but it was cold enough to steer away anyone who could afford driving over walking. Of course, only someone insane would be willing to walk out in the freezing rain - not that you really cared anymore.

It looks the same as my heart. The exact same

You wanted to be alone, and you now you were alone.

By now, you had grown accustomed to the icy water against your skin, leaving nothing but a numb feeling at every touch. Still, you felt boiling hot in your breath and eyes.

One drop fell to the ground

You felt your cheeks and were surprised to feel hot tears running down your face. You chuckled weakly to yourself.

From the sky? From me? Which one? It doesn't matter

When did you start crying?

 

Eventually you came to a stop, your body beginning to shut down from the cold, when you looked up to the building beside you and watched with a bit of surprised.

Left alone, in the pouring rain without an umbrella

The smell of fresh food and hot soup make your stomach growl enthusiastically, and you could hear the muffled conversations of the people inside the cafe, laughing and talking with happy faces.

Even the sound of the rain is so strong

With a sense of growing dread, your eyes slowly wandered to one familiar table in the corner of the cafe, and were unsurprised to find a familiar group of people talking and laughing to each other.

My very existence

A pang of jealousy burrowed into your heart as you watched the people enjoying themselves, seemingly oblivious to you standing right outside the windows.

Is drowning

You felt your legs begin to wobble as you quickly hurried away from the building and eventually came to a stop in a small alley.

Stop it, stop it, quickly, stop it
No doubt, what remains of me will break down


Tired and confused, you allowed yourself to sit down on the cold pavement below you. You dragged your knees closer to your chest and curled yourself up, trying to make yourself as small as possible. At this point, you were well aware of the hot tears spilling from your eyes and dripping down your face. You simply sat there, trying to rid yourself of all of your misery and bitterness - not that you thought it was possible.

I've cried, I've cried, until my tears have withered away
Yet my body is still soaked...


Eventually, you were able to exhaust all of your crying and sobbing, but it did little to ease your mind. A mix of emotions continued to boil inside you: sadness, anger, frustration, all swirling around in your mind and pulling you this way and that. All you were certain of was a sense of uselessness, and all you could do was remain curled up in a ball, letting the rain fall down on you.

It's cold

You remained sitting in the alley, wallowing in your self-pity. You were well aware of the sorry state you were in, though you didn't really care anymore.

 

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, and you eventually decided to return home, where you abruptly fell asleep. The next day, the weather was just as retched as before, with icy rain pouring down from above - you were amazed that you hadn't gotten a cold from sitting in the rain. Regardless of your physical-health, you stomached a quick breakfast, grabbed your jacket, along with your keys and phone, and headed for work.

When you finally made your way to work, you were quick to make your way up to your office, where you abruptly slammed the door and practically barricaded yourself inside your office.

Hours passed and it seemed that you hadn't made any progress whatsoever. You stared at the computer screens in front of you before giving an aggravated sigh and rolling your chair away from the desk.

"Maybe I just need something to eat..." you grumbled to yourself.

You pushed yourself off of your chair and to your feet, considering which restaurant to get food from. You couldn't bear to go to the cafe, and that horrid pub nearly gave you food poisoning last time. Maybe you could find someplace else to eat, or maybe you wouldn't eat at all. Either way, you left your office; you needed the relatively fresh air anyway.You hurried down the stairs, headed straight for the doors, when you suddenly heard the sound of a door creaking open and a set of footsteps.

Of course, tomorrow, you happily say "Good morning"

"(Name)?"

You froze at the familiar voice, before you turned around and looked to see Paul standing at the top of the stairs behind you.

"Hey, Paul," you said, giving him a tired smile, expecting him to climb down the stairs and start scolding you about leaving work early.

So imagine your surprise when he came down the stairs and gave you a bright smile.

"How're you?" he asked.

You say it without knowing my feelings

You froze at the question, taking a moment to examine his face. As far as you could tell, he was being perfectly genuine. It took a moment, but you were able to snap out of your confused trance and gave him a soft smile.

"I'm doing fine," you answered.

"That's good," he smiled.

It's just a "greeting", that's the extent

You studied Paul as he continued to talk about whatever came to mind. His smile was authentic, his eyes were bright, everything seemed to point to perfect happiness. Had he completely moved past everything already? The idea was both relieving and infuriating, but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"So, Paul," you said, after he had finished talking, "Um... I was just going to get something to eat. Woul-"

 

"Hey, Sjin!"

 

You both turned away from each other to find the person speaking, and you were surprised to see that it wasn't just one person, but rather most of the Yogscast. Lewis, Simon, Duncan, Kim, Hannah, they were all standing  at the doors with wide smiles.

"We're just about to start recording," Mark said, "Are you ready to start yet?"

"Oh, coming!"

You could say it cuts deep, like a "murder weapon"

You watched, completely confused as Paul simply walked away from you and joined mass of people waiting for him. He was quick to join in whatever conversation the others were having, and soon they were all laughing and talking to each other, just like at the cafe.

You felt your heart tighten as you watched them disappear from your sight, before you turned back to the stairs.

I can never stay within your line of sight

Eventually you came back from a rather unsatisfying meal at a small sandwich shop, half tempted to return to the shop and take any money accidentally placed in the tip jar. Still, at least you had something in you, and now your stomach wouldn't be grumbling all afternoon. As you climbed back up the stairs, you mind slowly traveled back to this morning. There was no way Paul could have gotten over your argument so easily. He wasn't that easy-going, was he? Or maybe you were simply to petty. You groaned at the thought.

You had just made your way to the third floor and were about to continue up to the fourth floor, when you risked a glance out the door's window and froze.

There, standing in the middle of the hallway was Paul, and standing right in front of him, arms wrapped around his neck, was Erin.

And that smile I liked so much

She leaned in close, and gave him a soft kiss. You felt your stomach tighten and your chest began to pound. For a split second, you could've sworn that she had looked your way and gave you a glare, but you couldn't be sure. Meanwhile, Paul was simply standing in the middle of the hallway, his arms wrapped around her waist, giving her a million-dollar smile.

Why is it now

You felt your grip on the handrail tighten to the point where you were digging your nails into the metal and your knuckles were going white, but you didn't notice. You continued to watch them laughing, talking, kissing, before finally you couldn't take it.

So damnable

You fled down the stairs, and made a mad dash for the doors. You didn't know where you were going, but wherever it was, you knew it would be as far away from Paul as possible.

Stop it, stop it, my heart, stop it,
Or these remains of mine might just vanish soon


You burst through the doors, into the pouring rain, not caring about the water stinging your face or the wind cutting into your skin. You simply needed to keep running. The very sight of them together was enough to spur you on. You continued to run down the hard pavement, nearly getting struck by cars as you crossed the streets, and even after fifteen minutes of solid sprinting, you hadn't stopped.

It hurst, it hurst, my chest hurts
It's so strange, I love you to death...


Finally, you reached an empty parking lot and proceeded to nearly collapse onto your hands and knees. Your head was pounding, your heart felt like it was about to burst you out of your chest, and you were genuinely afraid you were going to vomit, but soon you were able to calm yourself down - aided by the rain. Still, you felt your hands begin to go tense and you dug your nails into the tar - not even wincing as they began to split and crack.

I'm scared

You were somehow able to find your way back home, where you proceeded to nearly kick the door down and storm into the kitchen. You frantically searched through the cabinets grabbed a tall bottle of wine and a glass from one of the cabinets and slammed it onto the counter with such force, you were afraid you'd shatter the glass.

You poured yourself a glass of wine, spitefully drinking the entire thing in one go, before you paused and looked at one of the open cabinets. At first, you couldn't see anything, but upon further inspection, you were able to make out the faint shape of a posh gown.

 

"...the least I could do for a friend..."

 

You felt your grip on the glass tighten, and you could faintly notice the slight cracking noise, but you didn't care.

I want to be at ease, I want you to free me now

"...you look very beautiful tonight..."

 

You could feel a warm liquid seep out from between your fingers, and spill onto the counter, creating a bright red look with the smell of iron.

I hear a voice in my head speak

 

"If that's the case, then just end it all"

 

CRASH!

 

You watched as the glass hit the floor, sending little shards of glass flying for a brief moment. You scream in frustration as you pounded your hands against the counter, all of your emotions finally coming undone into a horrid frenzy, until you finally began to register the beginning of pain creeping into the side of your hands.

Still, it wasn't enough.

You grabbed the dress from the cabinets and gripped it with your bloody and bruised hands. Soon, the sound of tearing fabric echoed through the kitchen and the ragged remains of your dress lay at your feet.

Paul never really cared about you, did he? He always said that you were his friend, but he never meant it. You were just some mindless plaything for him, weren't you? Something to toy with whenever he got bored. This was the last straw.

You wouldn't just sit by and let him string you along - not anymore.

Confused and frustrated, you looked around for something else to break, when you eyes rested on the wine bottle and bloody countertops.

You smiled.

Stop it, stop it, this throbbing , stop it
This noisy heart is moving so fast

 

KNOCK-KNOCK!

 

"Coming!"

 

You quickly made your way to the door, stopping to examine your reflection in the nearby mirror, before quickly smoothing out your clothes and opening the door. You smiled brightly when you saw Paul standing there, a curious and confused smile on display.

"Hey, Paul," you smiled stepping aside to let him enter, "I'm glad you could come,"

"Thanks," he smiled, shedding his coat and placing it on the nearby hook, "So, you said you wanted to just hang out this evening - did you have anything in mind?"

"Oh, just this and that," you shrugged, "Maybe watch a movie or play some games,"

You silently made your way over to the kitchen, which you had just recently cleaned to the best of your ability, and turned to face Paul, who was sitting down on the sofa.

"I just got some new wine. Do you want to try it with me?"

"Sure," he shrugged as you pulled out a brand new bottle and two glasses, "How about I pick a movie?"

"Okay, then," you gave him a calm smile as you heard the sound of footsteps and things being moved about.

"Hey," Paul finally said, "How about Edward Scissorhands?"

You scoffed as you weaved your way from behind the counters and out of the kitchen to the living room.

"How many times have you seen that movie?"

"It's a good movie!" he said defensively, "C'mon, please? For me?"

You watched as he gave you the saddest expression he could muster, and quite frankly you wanted nothing more than to kick him, but you just rolled your eyes and smirked.

"Alright then," you sighed, "If you're going to be a big baby about things,"

You watched as he gave you possibly the happiest smile you've ever seen. How typical. Still, you gave him a smile back as he put in the movie and joined you back on the sofa.

"Here you are," you said, handing him one glass.

Stop it, stop it, quickly stop it
Finish me off right now, with your own hands...

"Thank you," he smiled, taking it from you, "So... what are we drinking to?"

 

You pursed your lips and tapped your chin, before giving him a smile.

 

"How about... to us being friends?"

 

"Alright then," he smiled, "To friends,"

(Please...)

You smiled softly as you both raised your glasses in a toast, before Paul lowered the wine to his lips and took a drink.

"So," you asked, "How does it taste?"

"Kind of nutty," he answered, before taking another sip, "What kind of wine is this?"

"I can't remember the name," you shrugged, "But I do remember one bit..."

Paul turned to you in confusion, and you smile.

 

"That nutty flavor you're talking about, - that's the cyanide,"

 

"What?"

It stopped, it stopped, the sound it stopped
The reflection in your eyes is terrifying

You watched as Paul's eyes widened in horrid realization. He quickly jumped to his feet and hurried off to the restroom, but you were quick yo grab his wrist and pull him back down onto the sofa.

"You cant leave now," you say, "The movie's just beginning - you're the one who picked it out, after all,"

He looked at you with a face you'd never seen before - one of pure horror. You were just able to find catch a shining glimpse in his eyes. They were huge and small at the same time, like the cliched deer caught in headlights. As Paul looked away from you back to the bathroom, you're able to noticed - for a split second - your own reflection in his eyes.

Slanted and sinister - that's the only way you could ever describe what you saw. And it scared you.

You watch as Paul struggled to take in breath, his movement now frantic and desperate. One hand flies up to his neck, furiously scratching - as if that'll somehow save his life. The other hand wraps around your wrist, it's grip slowly turning into a painful vice, but you don't even notice.

"W-Why?" he managed to choke out, his face turning a bright red.

 

It takes a moment for you to understand his question, but once you fully realize the meaning behind his words, you smile.

 

"Because I love you,"

Why? Why? This is a lie
The world before my eyes is stained red...


It didn't take long before Paul had completely stopped breathing; his grasp on your wrist had loosened enough for your to squeeze out of his grip. With all that was said and done, the silence of your house began to flood back in, quickly snuffing out the laughing, talking, and screaming which had only occupied the same space moments ago. Suddenly it was getting hard for you to breath - but you hadn't had anything to drink. You swallowed the beginning of sobs and choked on your cries, before you smiled and kissed Paul's forehead, wiping away the beginning of tears as you did so.

Help me!

You fell back onto the sofa, and grabbed the wineglass resting on the table in front of you. With one last smile towards Paul, you brought the drink to your mouth and allowed the wine to slip past your lips and down your throat. Once you finished the drink, you sighed and placed the glass back onto the table.

"He's right," you laughed to yourself, "A nutty flavour. Kind of like... almonds,"

You allowed yourself to rest your had on Paul's shoulder, tears now rolling down your face as you felt your chest begin to tighten. You struggle to breathe in properly - you're more than able to take in the air, but it doesn't seem to ease you at all. The corners of things begin to grow dark and blurred, and it's a struggle to remain calm. Finally, you begin to feel your eyelids droop and the last thing you remember is the feeling of your body curled up against Paul's.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Gah!"

Your eyes shot open in an instant and you quickly pull yourself up in a sitting position. Air rushes into your lungs and you try to steady your breathing and pounding heart, though its a nearly impossible task.

"I'm not... dead...?"

You looked around, and soon gathered enough sense to understand that you were in your bedroom, and your mobile resting on your bedside table read noon.

None of those things ever happened. The cafe, work, Erin, Paul...

 

You felt your stomach tighten as images began to pour through mind.

 

Without pause you threw off the covers and sprinted out of your bedroom and to the toilet.

Sjin x Reader - Psychotic Love Song
Once again, I apologize for how strange and haphazard this chapter seems to be. I hope you enjoy this extremely strange chapter. I promise the next one won't be as chaotic.
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X-Doe
Ian Moone
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:iconrhosmarixx:
rhosmarixx Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014
I tagged you in my journal.
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:iconclarixx:
Clarixx Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
Thank you for the watch. ^-^
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:iconbavarianzombieboy:
BavarianZombieBoy Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student Filmographer
Thanks for the watch! :la:
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:iconx-doe:
X-Doe Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome.
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